What’s in a name?

Posted: January 10, 2013 in Uncategorized


I’ve seen this Miller Beer commercial for a while now, but it just recently hit me that there was a blog here. I was too busy oogling over the one in the plaid shirt, he’s got the best smile on television!

Whenever you see a group of men/women together, can’t you immediately look at them and just know which ones are worth getting to know, and more importantly which ones are worth running the hell away from? If you haven’t done this, then you should try spending a little more time people watching. The next time you go out to dinner, look for a table full of men or women and see if you can figure out which of the five categories you can classify them as. It’s like watching an episode of National Geographic….Urban Edition!

Derrick Shephard1. The Husband-( Cliff Huxtable/Derrick Shepherd) These men were built for marriage. Although no marriage is ever perfect they will make wonderful life partners. They make efforts in the art of compromise and communication. They make successful providers and fathers to your children.

Derrick Morgan2. The Boo-(Derrick Morgan/Big) He’s the eternal boyfriend. If only you could just find a way to get him to settle down! He seems perfect, but this is highly likely because you put him on a pedestal. His work is very important to him so he’s not around a lot and often misses important events. Because he is so attractive, so powerful, and so full of intensity you overlook his absenteeism and make excuses for his inability to commit. He’s never really had any evidence of a long-term relationship with any woman. All of your friends and family love Boo and when they ask you about marriage plans you quickly shush them. You tell them you ‘like things the way they are’, but really you are fearful of scaring Boo away. You believe that one day Boo will do right by you and put a ring on it. Unfortunately it is more likely that Boo will never be your Husband.

3. The Maintenance Man-(Jodi/Luke Perry/John Mayer) This man is built for sex. Mr. FixIt exudes all the charm and suaveness of Morris Chestnut, Matthew McConnahey, and William Levy combined. Your interaction is limited to after hours and weekend rendezvous. These secret trysts are exciting, fun, and the best part of your week or month. You never discuss anything serious and never interfere in one another’s lives in any way. It’s mysterious and so good that you dare not attempt to make anything else of it for fear of ruining the fantasy. It is an escape from the rigors of regular life. You are always left more than satisfied and looking forward to the next event. MM is not the one you confide in or ask for favors. He is built for one thing and he does it exceptionally well!

4. The Friend( aka DIJ)-(Chandler Bing) You never view this man sexually, consciously, but maybe you’ve had a crazy dream about him once or twice. You confide in Friend about your relationships and ask his advice. You never feel weird going to dinner or a movie with this platonic friend, and may even get hit on by another guy when in public together. You don’t feel guilty for ditching plans with Friend because you got asked on a last-minute date from Boo or MM. And you never feel bad for calling this nice guy any time of day or night when you need something, or just want some company. Although you may not consciously be aware, this Friend is just biding his time. If you’re not careful, he could end up as The Husband 🙂

Barney Stinson5. The Deviant-(Joey Tribiani/Barney Stinson/McSteamy) This guy is a mistake. For some reason you were feeling down and low, maybe had a few too many drinks one night after a breakup or bad work week and said ‘what the hell?’. He probably attempted to seduce you before, with no less than overt sexual advances, and you turned him down with great disgust. Un-discouraged, he waited for his chance. Like a vulcher this deviant waited for a moment when you were sad and wounded, and then he swooped in and took full advantage. In your time of need and/or despair you allowed this opportunist to do things to you that you won’t even tell your best friend about, because you are so embarrassed. You will deny any involvement with him to your deathbed, but the stench of the memory will remain with you forever.

Fellas I haven’t forgotten about you! I know you have your own little list and I’ve compiled the names below.


1. The Wife(Claire Huxtable/Vivian Banks/Charlotte York)- Like their male counterparts, The Wife is built for marriage. There is a natural balance of sass and class in this woman. You respect her and she respects you. You’ve committed your life to this woman and will deny any wrong doing to preserve this relationship.

Gina Waters2. The Wifey(Gina Waters/Regina Grier) The Wifey has been around a long time. She has seen you at your worst and at your best. Wifey is a ‘Ride or Die’ chic and she will step to anyone who dares threaten her place. She is secure in herself and doesn’t pressure you about marriage. You love Wifey like a Wife but just can’t commit right now. She’s probably more mature than you are, and since she’s decided you are her man, she’s willing to wait for you to catch up.  She may already be the mother of your children and you probably live together. You hope to one day get yourself together so you can do right by Wifey and make her your Wife.

3. The Baby Girl(Kelly Taylor/) If you don’t watch yourself you could be in trouble. Baby Girl is meant to just be a fun diversion from a regular relationship, but somehow her sweet spirit and dangerous curves captivate you. You treat Baby Girl like a girlfriend but she has no real access into your life. Baby Girl is the sweet treat that you don’t want to taint with images of your faults and failures. You only want her to look up at you with seductive smiles and dreamy eyes and giving any access to your reality could jeopardize the fantasy world that you have created for yourself. Unfortunately for you, BG will get tired of never moving up in station to Wife or Wifey, and will eventually leave you.

joey potter4. The Good Girl(Donna Martin/Joey Potter) Of course you think of this friend sexually, the only reason you don’t try anything is because you are afraid of rejection. Although you may have drunk dialed her once or twice, she always pretends you said anything else besides professing your love for her. Good Girl doesn’t mean she’s innocent, it just means she has a moral code and standards that you find respectable. GGs always become someone’s Wife. You like GG because she doesn’t let you off the hook, she calls you out on your BS and tells you when you’re being an ass. If you were smart you would lock her down, but in most instances she’ll always be “the one that got away”.

Cruel Intentions5. The Jump Off(Kelly Bundy/Kathryn Merteuil/Samantha Jones)  You probably met this woman in a bar, nightclub or anywhere the dress code is ‘hoochie’.  She may even be girlfriends with Wifey or Baby Girl. You never take JO out during daylight hours(if ever) or to any location where you may run into anyone you know. The only redeeming quality of JO is that she knows her role….porn star. No matter how late it is, she will answer your call and you are always welcome to come by.  During your escapades you leave all inhibitions at the door and nothing is off limits. To her, you are likely a Maintenance Man. Be warned, JOs can be dangerous. If she feels wronged in any way, a JO might post inappropriate pictures or messages on Facebook to blow up your spot.


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